Contrary to what my mother says, I'm very observant. I'm also very opinionated. Here is where I will store all opinionated observations. Nice, healthy and positive. But mostly cynical, blunt and sarcastic. Complete with a signature eyeroll.
To me there is nothing better than a cute guy with a killer sense of humor. I've noticed that NBC is pumping them out like they have some kind of hot, funny guy factory. Say hello to my Mount Rushmore of adorableness:
Jason Sudeikis
Will Arnett
Joel McHale
Seth Meyers
Other things that caught my eye this week:
Kendall Jenner will have a Sweet 16 special on E! Hey, if you don't try to make money off your child's rite of passage then what kind of mother are you?
Either you want it short or you want it long. You can't have it both ways.
Mullets are funny in a "ha ha" kind of way. Mullet dresses are funny in a "your dress is freaking stupid" kind of way.
If I see one more Facebook status that reads like this: "I herd the wether is prolly to cold for us to go to there party" or some other version of stupidity, I might have to tear my own eyes out.
Don't even get me started on Halloween. As I've been saying for years: it's just an excuse for girls to dress like sluts and guys to wear makeup without having their sexuality questioned. Call me when a real holiday comes around, one where I get a free meal or tons of booze.
Congrats to the St. Louis Cardinals for their WS win! If my team isn't in it, National League all the way!
What's better than a hot man? A hot man and his adorable baby
Ahh, the jig is up, Jess
Twice, in the past 2 weeks, different shows have aired episodes out of order. WTH! It's a little jarring to have a new character pop up in middle of a scene, and then the following week, have that character properly introduced. Do they think that goes unnoticed? Because it doesn't.
Going to see Ides of March tomorrow with Pammy Sue. Wonder if Ryan and George will have any shirtless scenes?
On the night before Thanksgiving, I will be taking an overnighter to Iceland!! I'm so excited! Why Iceland? Funny story, after seeing Ali from the Bachelorette leave that tool, Kasey (who got the rose tattoo for her) on top of a glacier, Marth and I thought it looked like a fun place to visit. I think Marth is mostly excited about getting herself an Icelandic sweater.
Once I land, I'll meet up with Marth and Jessie (they're flying from NY). So, minus Sarah, it'll be the crazies from New Orleans taking over Reykjavik for the holiday weekend! Seeing as though our trip to NOLA was pretty much the female version of The Hangover, I'm cautiously anticipating the happenings that will occur.
Jessie, Sarah, Me and MZ, about an hour before Sarah's wallet &
phone were stolen and 48 hours before we were visited
by the drunken ghost of "Julie" from our Haunted New Orleans tour
We will only be there Thursday-Sunday, so we need to hit the ground running. The flight is only 5 hours, so it's a quick trip to the old Artic Circle. Knowing Marth, who I strongly believe was put on this earth to plan, we will not be wasting one moment. I came thisclose to cutting my own feet off after a day of non-stop sightseeing while in Paris with that maniac. On the docket will be a trip to the Blue Lagoon (the geothermal spa), a glacier walk (straight Bachelorette style), geysirs and waterfalls, and of course the well documented Reykjavik night life!
Icelanic winter weather is similar to NE winter weather: cold. The summer isn't super warm though, with an average temp of 57 during Jun-Aug. In the summer months, it's pretty much always light out; in June there are about 20-22 hours of daylight. In the winter, it's the opposite; in Dec there are only about 4 hours of daylight. So while we're there, we're looking at about 6 hours of light. Marth is gonna be bonkers on the itinerary with that limitation.
If it were up to me, I would spend my life traveling. So in order to see the world, a girl's gotta start somewhere. I'm already thinking about my next adventure.
One week in, and I already dropped the ball. While falling asleep last night (Sat), I realized I didn't do a Five for Friday post. So, today I'll do a Five for Sunday. Or maybe a Six for Sunday? I'll see how it goes.
Here is what caught my attention this week:
5. What is it with people who pronounce words with a hard "g"? Is it a cultural thing or does it depend on what part of the country you're from? Either way, it's "long", not "lonG", ugh.
4. My lovely friend Billie Anne got my gift certificate for a mani-pedi to thank me for occasionally watching her adorable son Will. Which was completely unnecessary. I switched from my usual pedicure color of Cajun Shrimp to I Mainely Eat Lobster. As you can see, I'm really shaking things up with the change.
Cajun Shrimp
I Mainely Eat Lobster
3. Speaking of nails, I NEVER match my mani color to my pedi color. EVER. In the summer it's neutral hand/bright foot; winter it's a dark hand/neutral foot. I can't be the only one that does this...right?
Currently manicuring in: Sand In My Suit
2. What the hell is going with Christina Aguilera?!?!! Like I always say, I'm no Kate Moss, but for the love of all things holy, get your shit together X-Tina! Lay off the hairspray and teasing, stop with the Dee Synder makeup (if you don't know who that is, look it up, it's uncanny) and if nothing else, PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON! Does she not have a manager, or a friend or a mirror?
?!?!!?!?!
Visual Definition of a HOT MESS
1. To me, there is really nothing cuter than a kid with a British accent. A man with one sounds pretty damn good also, but for right now I'm talking about kids. Please tell me you have seen these adorable videos:
Bonus: I didn't really want this to get out, but I watched the KarKASHian wedding special. I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm better than that. But I did learn one thing. And only one thing: I thought Kris (the hubster, not the pimp mom) was too good for Kim, but no Kris isn't good enough for Princess Kim. Now Kim is a spoiled rotten diva who won't shit unless she gets paid for it, but she's still a nice, polite, well mannered girl. Kris is a douche. Khloe is pretty much me in a more expensive outfit and extensions, so if she ain't cool with him, I'm not cool with him.
So I've decided that if I were to ever lose my shit, it would be at the grocery store. I can not remember the last time I went and didn't want to punch myself, or someone else. I took mental notes on how to make my shopping more enjoyable.
1) if you're not of use: stay home! What does standing by the cart do? Besides making the aisle smaller with your big ass. The GS is not like going for coffee, or even to the mall. Leave your friends/sig other where they belong: anywhere I'm not.
2) the GS is not your kitchen, you don't get to just meander about, bouncing between the fridge and a drawer and a cabinet. If you decided to go down an aisle and then change your mind, too damn bad, keep it moving.
3) Speaker phone is NEVER ok. I would ixnay the phone altogether, but I'm guilty of that jackass move myself, so I'll skip that. But what a-bag thinks it's cool for us to hear your entire convo. It's bad enough we have to hear your voice.
So with E! currently suffocating me with all the Kardashian wedding shit, it got me to thinking...What the hell is it with rich people having gift registries? You own a Birkin bag in every imaginable color, and yet you have the nerve to ask me (ok not me, other rich people) to buy your ass things you can afford yourself, never mind a $1000 candy dish?!! Ya wench.
Just a sampling of the ridiculousness:
Yes, because hot water just tastes better from a $1600 teapot.
Baccarat's $380 jam jar? Who the hell has jam out?
Lalique's $735 "Wisdom" set. That's rich.
All this for a relationship that has the possible shelf life of a goldfish.
I was a nanny for what seems like forever, but it was probably more like 9-10years. I worked with many different families, some were crazy, some were really nice. My best and longest family was the one with Megan, who I looked after for almost 6 years. I started with her when she was as chubby 18 month old, and on Tuesday she turned 8! 8! Yesterday she had a pirate themed birthday party with a bunch of other elementary rugrats. To say I am still exhausted 24 hours later is quite an understatement.
But the best part of the day? When my mom showed up with a gift for me: a freaking Burberry trench coat! Of course, seeing as we're in the middle of a fall heat wave, I have to sit on this bad larry til the next downpour. But that does not extinguish my excitement one freaking bit!
A little something I'm working on. Gonna try a Five for Friday post. I'm not very good at keeping up with things, so we'll see how long this lasts. What is filling my thoughts on this Friday?
5. New skin care remedies: I'm always trying to find ways to combat breakouts. Mostly because when I have them, I can't leave them alone, which leads to scarring. So I was beyond happy when the counter lady suckered me into buying Clinique's Even Better dark spot corrector. It has worked on old spots, but the price was a little high for Miss Unemployed (approx $45 for 1oz). But then to find Garnier's Skin Renew dsc at Targ at $12 for 1.7oz?! Gosh, I love a deal, especially if it works...TBC
4. Crazy NE weather: yesterday, I was thisclose to turning the heat on for the first time since March. Sat and Sun are supposed to be record breaking. Hello 80s! Global warming anyone?
3. American Horror Story: I was so excited for this premiere. After seeing it, I'm now scared to watch the 2nd episode, or have a husband, or buy a house, or move. I'm just plain terrified.
2. The Ides of March: I could pretend I'm torn between being under the Clooney/Gosling spell or really being interested in a political thriller. Please, even half of their faces are hot, I'm in it for the eye candy!
1. My Rebes is a grownup! Congrats to Beck and her growing family on the purchase of their beautiful Virginian home! After weeks of "maybes", "almosts" and "not quite yets", they official closed today and got the keys to their first house. Now that I have my own room, gotta book a flight!
Bonus for the inaugural FFF:
Suri's Burn Book: I came across this amazing site over the summer, but then lost track of it. Luckily for me, and now you, the lovely Jessica B reminded me of just how hilarious it is. You're welcome.
Finally! Glee bought their B game last night. I wouldn't say "A" because it still didn't have the amazing Top 40 selections of Season 2. Although Coldplay's Fix You was the certainly incredible! WTF is up with the next 3 weeks being reruns, though? Because my Sox are out, the MLB Playoffs are a ridiculous reason to stop the momentum Season 3 is starting to gain. One step forward and 6 steps back, Fox. Not cool.
American Horror Story starts tonight! Oh how I've missed you, Dylan McDermott. I'm very excited, but I think it might be a nervous excitement. Especially after seeing this preview:
In non-terrifying news, Martha pretty much made my day yesterday. She travels for business, and I was lucky enough to tag along during one of her England trips. As much as I loved London and Paris, I was hoping to reap some of the bennies of a traveling friend stateside. Unfortunately (for me), her territories are D.C., Virginia Beach, Upstate NY and other been-there's or undesirables.
MZ and I in Paris
Yesterday I got the news I have been waiting for: Marth got herself a new territory, and it's in Nashville!!! Nash is currently #1 on my US where-to-next list. Now, if she could just weasel herself Northern California, I'd really be in biz.
Now this is where unemployment comes in handy, it doesn't matter when she goes. It could be M-W and it wouldn't matter, mama's sched is wiiiide open! I'm hoping to be line dancing my way into some cowboy's heart by end of year!
I love buying makeup. I do not love putting it on. I have this fantasy of waking up and leaving the house looking fresh off a photo shoot. Not gonna happen, unless I stood in front of the mirror for 2 hours, which I'm not willing to do. I am not the kind of girl that can really get away with just some gloss and mascara. Yet, that doesn't stop from leaving the house just like that, a lot. Buying new eyeshadow is usually my weakness. My inability to deviate from the brown/sand/gold family is weakness numero dos. In the past week, my makeup stock has grown exponentially.
Like I previously said, a couple weeks ago, I had my face done by a fabulous Urban Decay makeup artist. She did this amazing cat eye and bright lips combo, neither of which I had ever done before, nor purchased when she was done. I did however, buy the cream to powder foundation and this awesome cheek tint. I also got a gold (shocker!) sparkly eyelid primer that I haven't opened yet. Mostly because it was more of an "I feel bad, she did such a great job, I should really buy it even though I will never use it" kind of thing. Overall, I spent about $85.
Urban Decay foundation, tint, primer
The foundation was like magic, covering up all the imperfections without feeling heavy. The case is the size of luggage so I thought I was getting a super deal.
foundation case
Then I open the damn thing and it has about a drop of foundation. Not very impressed. That's some false advertisement if ever there was.
the totality of the foundation is in that bitty middle section
Then this week, when doing my returns at Target, I obs couldn't get out without buying something new. I found this makeup line E.L.F (eyes, lips, face) that I don't recall seeing in my previous 1 million trips to Targ. Anyhow, I got all of this:
tweezers, eyeliner and sharpener, eyeshadow and case, primer, lashes and brush
For $10!!!!
So all together, I paid about $100 for all that makeup. Not bad, and it'll be even less when I return the gold tranny primer.
