Happy Bachelorette Gwendolyn!

Went to Agave in Newburyport tonight for Gwendy's bach dinner. She didn't want a crazy plastic penis filled night out in Boston. Well, we didn't go to Boston. If I ever had a child and it was girl, I would pray she would be like Gwen: even-keeled, appreciative, no-drama, low-key, down-to-earth, driven, self-deprecating. You know, all the hyphenates. I always have a good time around her.

This is my first bachelorette party where I wasn't really friends with anyone out celebrating. But, I had a great night with her friends tonight.  We had a nice time at dinner. Obs, it's Mexican. Not liking Mexican is a pretty un-American thing to do, if you ask me. Gwen opened all her slutty outfits in the middle of the dining room, which obviously drew the attention of all the men, even those sitting with their ladies. We then walked in the progressively heavier rain to the Black Cow. We were immediately accosted by unattractive middle-aged men overlooking their boats docked right next to the bar, who referred to themselves as "daddy". My personal favorite was the 50 y/o Steve Sanders look alike, complete with a blonde, fro-like mullet.  It was like I was right back in BH in the early 90s.

We ended up at Rockfish, which pretty much smelled like one upon entry. Immediately took the shots that they wouldn't give us at BC. Then this group of guys walked in and bought us another round. What is it with men and bachelorette parties? Like moths to a flame. Or hookers to a back alley. Either way, one in particular (who happened to be married) spent the rest of the night pointing all his attention toward us, including being our photog (always wanted one of those). He was very nice and he didn't act creepy, which is a rarity. He invited all 7 of us back to a party at his friend's house, but we're ladies, we don't do things like that.

Can't wait til August 19th, Gwendy!

Great Friends and the AFC East

SPORTS

THANK GOD!! Nnamdi Asomugha signed with the Eagles. So now I don't have to listen to the dumb ass Jets scream from the podium about how they are the best team in the league and my personal favorite: "Super Bowl or Bust". Shut your face. I hate you.


The Patriots reclamation project continues. It seems like every few years the Pats grab a player that seems to be heading towards a life outside of the NFL. Dillon, Moss, or even Harrison and Seau. Those all seems to pan out for the most part. Dillon and Harrison got rings. Seau and Moss were part of the 16-0 season. Not too shabby. I've learned my lesson and I hope the Pats have too. An undefeated season is nice, but a Super Bowl is the end game. Get 'er done.


LIFE

As the years go on, my list of good friends that I really want to see and spend time with, is dwindling. But I honestly couldn't be happier. I'm so over/too old for trying to keep friendship together when they're obviously not important to one or both people anymore. I'm all set. The friends I have are great and I love them.



Tonight I'm heading to a pre-wedding (no bachelorette party) dinner for Gwendy. She is getting married in 3 weeks and I'm so excited for her. I'm also super excited for guacamole and margaritas that await me.

Hail to the V? Really?

**When did Summer's Eve decide to go down the douchey road? And yes, the pun is intended. As a feminine product, I'm sure their advertising landscape is somewhat limited, but their recent commercials are disturbing. Their new slogan: Hail To The V. wow.

**So you have an affair with one of the world's most famous MARRIED athletes. He gets caught. He gives you MILLIONS to keep your mouth shut...forever. You last a little over a year. Now you have to give the money back. You are a dumb bitch. A dumb bitch with no money and no life prospects.

**Going to the grocery store has now become a mission for me not to commit homicide. I keep trying to plot the best times to go: NOT on a Sun. Before 5 on weekdays, or even before 3 when school is in. It never helps. I almost had to throw down with a DB at the deli yesterday. So you wanna have 6 kids, fine. I think you're crazy, but hey, it's your "V". So you decide it's a good idea to take them all to the store with you, fine. I think you're an asshole, but it's your decision, just stay outta my way. Now call me crazy but when in a store, you decide to stop and peruse, move your cart out of the middle of the aisle. Now, what would make you think that at the deli, that rule does not apply to you and your soccer team? When I have to literally crawl over your carriage to place my order, DO NOT give ME YOUR attitude. Because that's gonna be a lot of tears when I backhand you.

**My obsession with Young Adult books continues with the new series The Mortal Instruments. Read 'em. You will not be disappointed.

Teacher's pet & True Life

**Last night I went out with my former high school health teacher. I love her. She is such a great person, kind, hilarious and probably the most popular teacher we had. She's a great, non-judgemental listener, who's good for an incredible dirty joke/story while downing drinks. My kind of lady! We went downtown and sat out on the Tap's patio, where we proceeded to comment on every person, group or outfit that passed by. Good times had by all. Hopefully we don't go another 2 years before seeing each other again.


**Just watched the latest episode of MTV's True Life. The title was something like "I'm trying to go straight". Now, not straight like straight edge, no drugs. Straight like I'm gay but I'm gonna try to cure or pretend or pray the gay away. The description of the episode is "two young adults who changed their sexual identities because of the pressure they felt from their families" Are you MF kidding me?! Being the liberal person that I am, I can not fathom that there is a reason for this kind of crazy.

The two kids were a girl from Chicago and a totally effeminate guy from Washington state. At least the girl seemed to really be struggling with what or who makes her happy. She valued the emotional connection above all else. The guy, for the love, was just completely denying who he was and it was just as irritating as it was sad. He goes on and on about how his life as a dating gay man was so miserable and that he was homeless at one point, and now that he's seen the "error of his ways", his life is fulfilling and blessed. Well you were probably homeless because your parents turned their backs on you and kicked you out and now treasure you because you're back on  Then he goes on and on about a girl he met in class and how she seems great, but he doesn't want to get involved with anyone until God lets him know he's ready. Listen, God is not Chuck Woolery, he's not getting involved in your dating life. The reason you don't want to date the girl is because you wanna do it with dudes. Just accept it so we can get back to more important episodes like "I'm an Albino", "I Have Tourette's Syndrome" or "I work in the Sex Industry".


**Every year around this time, ESPN does a week of Make-A-Wish grants for kids to meet their favorite athletes. Sweet Lord, gets me every time. Sobbing like a baby.


** Congrats to the USA women's soccer team. If you're gonna come in 2nd, doing so to the team from a  country only a few months removed from a devastating earthquake and tsunami that killed 25,000 is the way I'd choose it. Plus Hope Solo, while an incredible goalie, has a way of always shoving a foot in her mouth. Last night, she said she was getting tired of always being compared to the '99 USA World Cup winning team. Certainly don't have to worry about that anymore.