Five for Friday

To me there is nothing better than a cute guy with a killer sense of humor. I've noticed that NBC is pumping them out like they have some kind of hot, funny guy factory. Say hello to my Mount Rushmore of adorableness:


Jason Sudeikis



Will Arnett



Joel McHale



Seth Meyers



                  

 Other things that caught my eye this week:  

• Kendall Jenner will have a Sweet 16 special on E! Hey, if you don't try to make money off your child's rite of passage then what kind of mother are you?

Either you want it short or you want it long. You can't have it both ways.

• Mullets are funny in a "ha ha" kind of way. Mullet dresses are funny in a "your dress is freaking stupid" kind of way.

• If I see one more Facebook status that reads like this: "I herd the wether is prolly to cold for us to go to there party" or some other version of stupidity, I might have to tear my own eyes out.

• Don't even get me started on Halloween. As I've been saying for years: it's just an excuse for girls to dress like sluts and guys to wear makeup without having their sexuality questioned. Call me when a real holiday comes around, one where I get a free meal or tons of booze.

• Congrats to the St. Louis Cardinals for their WS win! If my team isn't in it, National League all the way!



Glee premiere was anything but Gleeful

On Tuesday I was so excited for the Glee premiere that I wanted to make celebratory cupcakes. I found this adorable recipe online. This was their final product:

Mine didn't come out exactly like above, but I don't think I did too bad, presentation wise:

Also in the pic are the Slushies Gwen made...with cherry vodka...better than at McKinley High, I'm sure!

After watching however, I wasn't so excited. The song choices were a major snooze, and I'm annoyed that both Sam and Zizes both got super quick and dumb absense explanations.

Today, I came across this little YouTube ditty, and realized that these 4 min were more entertaining than the 45+ min of the actual show. Sesame Street is still bringing it...

The Letter G

To stop or not to stop.

Driving lesson of the day. When there is a stop sign: friggin STOP! I don't understand what the issue is. My favorite is when you're driving along, no one in front of you, no one behind you. Out of nowhere is bat out of hell driver who blows through their STOP SIGN to cut you off. Then suddenly, they warp into the Sunday stroll mode, where they're going 20 mph UNDER the speed limit. Are you f-ing serious? What was the rush to go slow? I doubt it was a failure of your brakes. Dink.

2nd driving lesson of the day: When there isn't a stop sign: DON'T friggin stop! Why why why why why why? A-bag.

Hail to the V? Really?

**When did Summer's Eve decide to go down the douchey road? And yes, the pun is intended. As a feminine product, I'm sure their advertising landscape is somewhat limited, but their recent commercials are disturbing. Their new slogan: Hail To The V. wow.

**So you have an affair with one of the world's most famous MARRIED athletes. He gets caught. He gives you MILLIONS to keep your mouth shut...forever. You last a little over a year. Now you have to give the money back. You are a dumb bitch. A dumb bitch with no money and no life prospects.

**Going to the grocery store has now become a mission for me not to commit homicide. I keep trying to plot the best times to go: NOT on a Sun. Before 5 on weekdays, or even before 3 when school is in. It never helps. I almost had to throw down with a DB at the deli yesterday. So you wanna have 6 kids, fine. I think you're crazy, but hey, it's your "V". So you decide it's a good idea to take them all to the store with you, fine. I think you're an asshole, but it's your decision, just stay outta my way. Now call me crazy but when in a store, you decide to stop and peruse, move your cart out of the middle of the aisle. Now, what would make you think that at the deli, that rule does not apply to you and your soccer team? When I have to literally crawl over your carriage to place my order, DO NOT give ME YOUR attitude. Because that's gonna be a lot of tears when I backhand you.

**My obsession with Young Adult books continues with the new series The Mortal Instruments. Read 'em. You will not be disappointed.

Teacher's pet & True Life

**Last night I went out with my former high school health teacher. I love her. She is such a great person, kind, hilarious and probably the most popular teacher we had. She's a great, non-judgemental listener, who's good for an incredible dirty joke/story while downing drinks. My kind of lady! We went downtown and sat out on the Tap's patio, where we proceeded to comment on every person, group or outfit that passed by. Good times had by all. Hopefully we don't go another 2 years before seeing each other again.


**Just watched the latest episode of MTV's True Life. The title was something like "I'm trying to go straight". Now, not straight like straight edge, no drugs. Straight like I'm gay but I'm gonna try to cure or pretend or pray the gay away. The description of the episode is "two young adults who changed their sexual identities because of the pressure they felt from their families" Are you MF kidding me?! Being the liberal person that I am, I can not fathom that there is a reason for this kind of crazy.

The two kids were a girl from Chicago and a totally effeminate guy from Washington state. At least the girl seemed to really be struggling with what or who makes her happy. She valued the emotional connection above all else. The guy, for the love, was just completely denying who he was and it was just as irritating as it was sad. He goes on and on about how his life as a dating gay man was so miserable and that he was homeless at one point, and now that he's seen the "error of his ways", his life is fulfilling and blessed. Well you were probably homeless because your parents turned their backs on you and kicked you out and now treasure you because you're back on  Then he goes on and on about a girl he met in class and how she seems great, but he doesn't want to get involved with anyone until God lets him know he's ready. Listen, God is not Chuck Woolery, he's not getting involved in your dating life. The reason you don't want to date the girl is because you wanna do it with dudes. Just accept it so we can get back to more important episodes like "I'm an Albino", "I Have Tourette's Syndrome" or "I work in the Sex Industry".


**Every year around this time, ESPN does a week of Make-A-Wish grants for kids to meet their favorite athletes. Sweet Lord, gets me every time. Sobbing like a baby.


** Congrats to the USA women's soccer team. If you're gonna come in 2nd, doing so to the team from a  country only a few months removed from a devastating earthquake and tsunami that killed 25,000 is the way I'd choose it. Plus Hope Solo, while an incredible goalie, has a way of always shoving a foot in her mouth. Last night, she said she was getting tired of always being compared to the '99 USA World Cup winning team. Certainly don't have to worry about that anymore.

Remind me not to drink the water!!

**So evidently the cool thing to do these days is to get pregnant. Shit is an epidemic. During the span of about 6 days, three people told me they were with child, all 12 weeks along, to be exact. F. That's a lot of hormones. Don't come calling me when you're pushing that monster out. As much as I do love a baby, and I do, that's a lot of babies coming...in a short amount of time.

**When is the last time you were shocked to end up at a toll booth? Probably not very often because 1) they tell you as you get on a highway that it is a toll road, and 2) because they give you about 67 heads up on the way to the damn booth. So why is it that I have to wait behind the jackass who is trying to fish through his console for spare change at the window?

**TOTALLY off subject: What is it with murders or whatever doing what they can to avoid the death penalty? If I were on trial for murder (which I'm hoping to never be) and it was life in prison w/o the possibility of parole and the death penalty...sign me up for the chair...or table...or firing squad. The food, the living conditions, the outfits.... I'm all set with spending 50+ years behind bars.