Contrary to what my mother says, I'm very observant. I'm also very opinionated. Here is where I will store all opinionated observations. Nice, healthy and positive. But mostly cynical, blunt and sarcastic. Complete with a signature eyeroll.
Who said they wouldn't last? Umm, everyone. And everyone was right. Kourtney and Kim Take New York is gonna be REALLY uncomfortable. I can't wait.
How much do you think I can get for a divorce special?
where you going, Kris?
In other shocking news: Jessica 6 months pregnant Simpson finally admitted to being knocked up. In a one of those cheesy ways girls like to announce they're preggo, expect with professional hair and makeup.
To me there is nothing better than a cute guy with a killer sense of humor. I've noticed that NBC is pumping them out like they have some kind of hot, funny guy factory. Say hello to my Mount Rushmore of adorableness:
Jason Sudeikis
Will Arnett
Joel McHale
Seth Meyers
Other things that caught my eye this week:
Kendall Jenner will have a Sweet 16 special on E! Hey, if you don't try to make money off your child's rite of passage then what kind of mother are you?
Either you want it short or you want it long. You can't have it both ways.
Mullets are funny in a "ha ha" kind of way. Mullet dresses are funny in a "your dress is freaking stupid" kind of way.
If I see one more Facebook status that reads like this: "I herd the wether is prolly to cold for us to go to there party" or some other version of stupidity, I might have to tear my own eyes out.
Don't even get me started on Halloween. As I've been saying for years: it's just an excuse for girls to dress like sluts and guys to wear makeup without having their sexuality questioned. Call me when a real holiday comes around, one where I get a free meal or tons of booze.
Congrats to the St. Louis Cardinals for their WS win! If my team isn't in it, National League all the way!
One week in, and I already dropped the ball. While falling asleep last night (Sat), I realized I didn't do a Five for Friday post. So, today I'll do a Five for Sunday. Or maybe a Six for Sunday? I'll see how it goes.
Here is what caught my attention this week:
5. What is it with people who pronounce words with a hard "g"? Is it a cultural thing or does it depend on what part of the country you're from? Either way, it's "long", not "lonG", ugh.
4. My lovely friend Billie Anne got my gift certificate for a mani-pedi to thank me for occasionally watching her adorable son Will. Which was completely unnecessary. I switched from my usual pedicure color of Cajun Shrimp to I Mainely Eat Lobster. As you can see, I'm really shaking things up with the change.
Cajun Shrimp
I Mainely Eat Lobster
3. Speaking of nails, I NEVER match my mani color to my pedi color. EVER. In the summer it's neutral hand/bright foot; winter it's a dark hand/neutral foot. I can't be the only one that does this...right?
Currently manicuring in: Sand In My Suit
2. What the hell is going with Christina Aguilera?!?!! Like I always say, I'm no Kate Moss, but for the love of all things holy, get your shit together X-Tina! Lay off the hairspray and teasing, stop with the Dee Synder makeup (if you don't know who that is, look it up, it's uncanny) and if nothing else, PUT SOME GODDAMN PANTS ON! Does she not have a manager, or a friend or a mirror?
?!?!!?!?!
Visual Definition of a HOT MESS
1. To me, there is really nothing cuter than a kid with a British accent. A man with one sounds pretty damn good also, but for right now I'm talking about kids. Please tell me you have seen these adorable videos:
Bonus: I didn't really want this to get out, but I watched the KarKASHian wedding special. I'm very disappointed in myself. I'm better than that. But I did learn one thing. And only one thing: I thought Kris (the hubster, not the pimp mom) was too good for Kim, but no Kris isn't good enough for Princess Kim. Now Kim is a spoiled rotten diva who won't shit unless she gets paid for it, but she's still a nice, polite, well mannered girl. Kris is a douche. Khloe is pretty much me in a more expensive outfit and extensions, so if she ain't cool with him, I'm not cool with him.
So with E! currently suffocating me with all the Kardashian wedding shit, it got me to thinking...What the hell is it with rich people having gift registries? You own a Birkin bag in every imaginable color, and yet you have the nerve to ask me (ok not me, other rich people) to buy your ass things you can afford yourself, never mind a $1000 candy dish?!! Ya wench.
Just a sampling of the ridiculousness:
Yes, because hot water just tastes better from a $1600 teapot.
Baccarat's $380 jam jar? Who the hell has jam out?
Lalique's $735 "Wisdom" set. That's rich.
All this for a relationship that has the possible shelf life of a goldfish.
